A mixture of romance, work and life left to simmer on a weak flame.

"Love - a wildly misunderstood although highly desirable malfunction of the heart which weakens the brain, causes eyes to sparkle, cheeks to glow, blood pressure to rise and the lips to pucker."--Unknown.

"I learned long ago that being Lewis Carrol was infinitely more exciting than being Alice."--Joyce Carol Oates

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Sunday, May 28, 2006

Ebook Review...

Dream Knight by Lois Bonde

An Ellora’s Cave Quickie

Scottish Highlands-1715

Desperate, Catherine escapes from her castle the night before she is to wed the brute who will take over her estates. Before she returns to honor the dreaded commitment, she is determined to find a strong but gentle man to initiate her into the ways of men and women. She finds the perfect lover in her Dream Knight and treasures the memories of their sweet time together. But having fallen in love with a dream, Catherine dreads the thought of returning to wed the ogre. No longer a virgin, Catherine must face the fate she dreads.

Fiona’s back blurb: A (not really) dream and one badly violated apple.

{Readers of my blog may remember my reference to eBooks being the equivalent of horror movies…this book is why}

The story opens with Catherine escaping from her room in the castle. When Catherine laid out a red fox fur on her pillow to make it look like her hair and herself sleeping in the bed, I sat up and took notice. I think to myself, this is one smart character and obviously a writer who pays attention to detail. (I was deceived)

Very repetitive use of words: randy and randy in the same paragraph, find a way and make her way within the same sentence. “I never dreamed it could be like this. You’re so big, but I love taking every inch of you inside me like this.” (notice the repetition)

Catherine is escaping to find love before she has to marry the big oaf of her next door neighbor. Obviously my first thoughts were, “Duh, she’s going to meet her betrothed, have sex, leave him and then find out who he is.” Been there, done that. (Yep, I was right)

There was a perfect opportunity for Bonde to set up the two characters meeting with Catherine explaining to us that she is choosing to do this, just one day, just one moment in time, because this man is so handsome and so sensual but no, she rides into his camp unconscious (Why? Good question, never explained) and he takes her and then the rest of the story is me saying, “Bull Shit.”

“…never had he had a more cooperative woman.” That is because she was unconscious you IDIOT!

At the first mention of Catherine’s beautiful globes, I had to laugh and wonder just how bad the dialogue was going to get.

The cold water of the river made the sex scene completely unbelievable.

Hahaha, as I read this with all of the ach’s and ye’s and dinna’s and lassies I laugh picturing Maili’s head exploding!

They fed each other and then played with their food. “Holding a green bean in his mouth he leaned over so she could take the other end in hers. They each nibbled towards the center until the vegetable disappeared with a kiss.” I’m throwing up at this point.

And in a wonderful end, they love each other, after 12 hours and three poorly written sex scenes.

And even the sex couldn’t save this poor story. The characters were always in awkward positions that had me stopping and trying to figure out just how that would work. The scenes were mild and food was thrown in for shock value.

Dialogue in the book:

He insists on calling her “Sweetling” throughout the entire book…ugh!

“Her furred lips…” Furred? FURRED?

“Nay. Come for me. Now!” Twice people, twice.

Is ya a derivative of ye? I can understand using ye in the story, but “I love ya.” Is that correct?

It was a Quickie, so some lack of plot development should be chalked up to that. Also, there was a nice scene at the end where she is lifting her veil inch by slow inch…that was nice.

Grade: D

Grammatical Errors: 1

Going to buy next: Nothing.

…Fiona...

8 touched me

Blogger CindyS pondered...

Excuse me while I just scoot around the remnants of Maili's brain. Poor thing, I'm sure she'll back to working order in no time ;)

Bless you for saying exactly how you felt about this book. I sometimes think I have my butt flappin' out there in the wind all on its lonesome. Good to see there are others that read crap and think WTF!?

Furred lips - means she has a plethora of upper lip hair ;)

“…never had he had a more cooperative woman.” That is because she was unconscious you IDIOT!

Seriously, he's having sex with her while she is unconscious and is marvelling at her cooperation? Sounds like the hero invented the need for date rape drugs. Ugh.

Could you imagine the heroine waking up and wondering why her leg is broken?

CindyS-

5/28/2006 05:28:00 AM  
Blogger Fickle Fiona pondered...

Seriously? Upper lip hair? OMG!

She rides in to camp unconscious, he pulls her off the horse and then practically strips her while looking for 'injuries' and coping a feel while he is at it. Afterwards, he lays her down on his mallet (he was camping) and lays down beside her, pulling up the blanket. She scoots up next to him and he thinks, "That's feels like an invitation to me." Then he lifts her leg and slides right in.

That is what she awoke to.

...Fi

5/28/2006 07:33:00 AM  
Anonymous Maili pondered...

Holy f! My head didn't explode [probably due to the fact that I have a nasal tampon up my nose], but my jaws have just packed bags and left.

But, um, virginity wasn't as "valued" in the Highlands as it was in southern Scotland and England, so why the fuck would loss of her virginity have her dreading her fate?

As for shagging in a river? *hysterical laughter* Jaysus. Not because it's usually icy enough to make one's nipples fall off [even during summers], it's also muddy. Yuk.

I'm not saying a thing about a green bean [assuming it's a runner bean, since it can't be a green pea] ... oh, sod it: Runner beans do not grow very well in the Highlands. Never has.

And there was no mention of a certain war? Like, say, a certain Jacobite rebellion?

Oh, well, it's just a fantasy, isn't it? Right? :D Please don't tell me that the author says she did a lot of research? If so, I'll bash my head against a wall. I swear I will.

5/28/2006 08:17:00 AM  
Blogger Fickle Fiona pondered...

After they shagged in the river, he looked down and her lips were blue and she was shaking. I guess his rod had been warm enough for the both of them?

No mention of a rebellion.

I looked, no mention of research anywhere, either. That was obvious!



...Fi

5/28/2006 09:15:00 AM  
Blogger Valeen pondered...

Well I guess I can most definitely scratch this one of my list of books to buy.

Shit - a furred lip? Seriously? Maybe it was a mistake and she meant to be describing the hero?

5/28/2006 04:35:00 PM  
Blogger Fickle Fiona pondered...

Clarification:

The word "furred" is used twice actually:

"She covered her reddened breasts with one arm and furred mound with her other hand."

and

"She followed his orders, and when her near knee hit the bed, he bent it and lifted it up onto the mattress, leaving her furred lips open wide and fully exposed to him."

Aw, gawd, it just keeps getting worse!

...Fi

5/28/2006 06:23:00 PM  
Anonymous Jay pondered...

Well at least the furred bit makes slightly more sense. I kept thinking it was the upper lip and wondering whether the author really meant furrowed.

What happened with the apple? Or can I guess?

5/29/2006 01:39:00 AM  
Blogger Fickle Fiona pondered...

The apple?

The furred lips ate it!

5/29/2006 06:42:00 AM  

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